Improvements

​Last week I talked about reading work aloud to catch errors, get a feel for the flow, and note awkward dialogue. I promised to fill you in on what I learned creating a YouTube video of “Initiations.”

First, let me share a little background. I wrote this piece in August/September 2015 and when I posted it here on my website in October, I was happy with the piece.  Now, I see errors than I wouldn't have believed were in there.

This goes to show how much a person can learn in a short span of time when they devote themselves to studying the craft and reading the work of others. In November 2014, I wrote the first draft of a novel that had been growing in my head for almost 15 years. After completing Nanowrimo that second time, I made a decision to pursue publishing and devote myself to my writing in a new way.

A month or so later, I embarked on a 52 week reading challenge that would stretch my mind beyond my usual reading choices and open up new worlds of interest. About six months after that, I joined an online writing group and connected with other writers of various backgrounds and experience levels. I began learning so much so quickly that I thought I’d found a little bit of heaven on the Internet. Soon, I was entering writing contests, reading books on writing, subscribing to some amazing blogs, and striving to improve on a daily basis.

And I’ve seen the fruits of that labor. I’ve seen improvement in my work from Nano 2014 to the date I joined the writing group. My work improved from there to September, when I completed "Initiations", and to this point where I can see ways to improve on that story still more.

We are constantly growing as artists. I look forward to 2016 and all the new knowledge it holds for me.

Until then, I will share notes that I made for myself as I read, and reread… and re-reread "Initiations" as I was trying to record it at one o’clock in the morning. If you haven’t read/heard it yet, there are spoilers. Here are links for the text and the YouTube video (~15 minutes.)

• Adverbs

The first thing I noticed was how often I used adverbs. (This is amazing because I KNOW that I cut a bunch out when I edited this piece for contest submission.) I like adverbs. I truly, completely, honestly, helplessly love adverbs. (Anyone remember that Savage Garden song from the 90s? [“Truly, Madly, Deeply”] I still know that song by heart.) I don’t think they are excessive in this piece, but they are not exactly sparse. Some of them I might leave but there are at least three that I feel should be cut.

• Too many characters (or too ambiguous?)

I was working with a word count limit on this piece and I ended up condensing dialogue down to the girls mentioned; Maddy, Krista, and Tessa. Initially, more girls had dialogue. I wanted there to be five girls besides the main character, Chelsea. I’m sure that reducing the dialogue was the right choice however, I feel that it’s unclear how many people are there until Chelsea states it herself later on. I would like to go back and make this clearer. Also, I envisioned the girls traveling illegally, as the vehicle I chose for them would not seat six. In my head, they just squished in (seatbelts be damned!) but it might distract the reader to know the type of car and number of occupants don’t quite work.

• Conversation between Ford and the elder

I don’t dislike their dialogue or find anything too unusual in it. I pictured the typical exchange between members of this cult and an elder to be fairly formal. But, as it was a short story I whipped up fairly quickly, I didn’t do a ton of character development and I feel I could have hit a better place with this exchange if I’d understood the characters and their relationship a bit better.
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• Overdone descriptions and inner dialogue?                                             

The piece was written from a prompt which required that it be a story about a group of teen girls who had to enter the abandoned “Perfect Woman’s Institute” as a rite of passage. It also named the Cult of Poseidon. Working within that framework, I decided that I wanted Chelsea to be a sort of “double agent” from inside the cult. Thus, this was not only an initiation for the prep school girls but also for Chelsea. My whole story was based around this girl’s dual personas (nervous new girl trying to fit in vs. ambitious and indoctrinated daughter of Poseidon). I wanted to play with her body language, creating a marked change from when she's acting for the girls to when she enters the Institute and shows her true colors. But, in doing this, I hope I didn’t go overboard. In hindsight, I’m considering sharing this with my writing group again and asking them to assess that aspect of it so I can get a better idea of how near the mark I was.
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This is not a comprehensive edit by any means; just the things that stuck out to me the most. Other things I noticed were nitpicky or easily solved; I’d break down a couple of long paragraphs and rework an awkward sentence or two. I’m still proud of this piece. I think it has some nice moments and every time I read it I remember how fun it was to write. I’m sure when I come back to it again six months or a year from now, I’ll find more flaws. But, I had a blast adding photos for the video and reading it aloud. It was an educational new experience and one I can’t wait to repeat with some future story.

                   Happy New Year, everyone! May you set good goals for 2016 and surpass each one!